Oh, People ...

So, as of lunchtime today, it has officially started.

It being the craziness that comes over people - random (weird) strangers - who feel the need to impose themselves and their every thought, opinions and emotion on you simply because you're pregnant and they feel entitled.

Oh how I have missed these freaks of nature. OK - so not really at all. But, they do make for good stories.

So, here, starting with today's encounter, I will share stories of some of my least favorite prego intruders.

The Intruder - The Ladybug and I were out to lunch with my parents, brother and his girlfriend today. While we were browsing the menus, I passed around the most-recent ultrasound images. As my brother passed the pictures my mom's direction, the waitress (who I became increasingly LESS a fan of from this point forward) grabbed them, leaned WAY over the table, started flipping through them, and - in baby talk - declared "Oooooh, what a cute 'wittle' bebe in the belly ... Oh mine are 12 ... this is such a wittle one ..." and so on and so on. Our family sat silent in the awkwardness of the situation. It was weird. Rule #1 - If I don't know you, you don't need to be checking out my ultrasound pics - especially when you snatched the from the hands of my family. You, waitress lady, are nuts.

The Feeler - I worked in an office when I was prego with the Ladybug, and a friend in my office had had a child a few months earlier. While she was pregnant, I observed another co-worker (a lady who on a normal day is very in-your-face) rub, caress and basically fully massage my friend's baby belly on more occasions than I could count. I planned ahead. I prepped my best Karate Kid wax-on, wax-off moves to twart belly-rubbing attempts from her and anyone else making a move. I can excitedly report, I was successful. No one rubbed my baby belly without prior concent, and I liked it that way. Rule #2 - Just because someone is pregnant doesn't mean you can feel them up. If you grab my belly - prego or not - it's highly likely I'm going to grab yours right back.

The Sharer - While prego with the Ladybug, I told my small department that I was pregnant after my first trimester, but I didn't make an broadcast announcement to the entire organization I worked for. Though I was admittedly wearing my looser-fitting tops, I wasn't noticeably showing until about 18-20 weeks. Around my 18th week, a very nosy lady I worked with found out from my manager that I was pregnant. I wasn't ashamed to tell people, or intentionally keeping it a secret, but I had chosen to gradually tell people individually as the right moment came up. She, however, decided she would share my information for me. At totally inappropriate times. In corporate meetings. Though everyone was excited about the news, I was less than enthusiastic about the way they found out. Rule #3 - It's probably a good idea in general not to share any information - good or bad - about someone else's uterus.

The Jerk - Closing in on two years later, the thought of this lady still gets under my skin. At about 8 months pregnant, I was walking down a hallway and heard someone from behind me say, "So, is she pregnant?" I turn and see a lady a barely know, who then - while facing me says, "Oooh, yeah, you ARE pregnant. You're looking pretty puffy." Please note here that she says "puffy" in a slightly disgusted voice, with a crinkled nose, while she draws air circles around her own face with her pointer finger. I look at her with disdain and simply repond with, "Yep - I am pregnant," before walking away. She's lucky she got out alive. Rule #4 - It is always, ALWAYS a very bad idea to critique how a pregnant lady looks. We know we've gained weight. We know we look "huge." We know we look tired. We know we look like we're ready to just have the kid already. We don't need anyone to remind us. Ever.

I ask if you or your friends are committing any of these offenses, please cease and desist. Pregnant women everywhere will be forever thankful.