I’m Doing That Right … Right?

By nature, I am a worrier. The harder I try not to worry, the more I worry. When there’s absolutely nothing to worry about, I worry about what I might have missed because, let’s be honest, there’s always something to worry about.

Before I was pregnant, I worried about doing everything right to get pregnant.

While I was pregnant, I worried about doing everything right for the tiny person growing inside me. I worried about not being a good mother. I worried about not knowing what to do.

When little Miss Olive came made her debut, I worried that I was now in WAY over my head.

Since then, I’ve had a whole slew of worries I never even knew I could possibly worry about.

Am I holding Olive too much? Does she get enough tummy time? Is poop ever supposed to be that color? What if I’m not making enough breast milk? Could any future babies I have ever possibly be this pleasant?

Most recently, however, I’ve got a whole new set of worries. I try to get guidance from reliable books, seek comfort from fellow bloggers who I trust, and get some insight from friends and family. That said, sometimes the more information I have, the more I overanalyze.

Here are some of my latest:

Am I feeding her the right things? 

Olive would LOVE to devour anything and everything on our plates. She’s a HUGE fan of potatoes, green beans, bananas, broccoli, bread, doughnuts (thanks to grandma and grandpa), mandarin oranges and more. I hear some of the things counterparts her age are eating, and I feel like the Ladybug is being left in the dust. That said, she’s only got 5 ¾ teeth – a couple are still on their way in – so far, so it’s not like she’s ready for a steak. I supplement with thickened baby cereal (still a good source of iron for the little one) and a few varieties of baby food she hasn’t yet rejected. What the heck else should I be feeding her? Am I holding her back by not giving her everything she wants? (Insert worry about choking here)

Am I totally sucking at brushing her teeth? 

The Ladybug thinks that anything that comes in the vicinity of her mouth must be food. She loves, loves, loves tooth-brushing time. The problem is that she loves the taste of the tooth paste so much that I can barely brush her teeth while she’s attempting to suck all the paste off her tiny little Winnie the Pooh brush. I do my best of brushing the teeth she does have and her gums, but I just don’t know that I’m getting the job done. Is there a trick here, of which I am woefully unaware? If I don’t figure out a better method, am I going to end up with THAT KID who lost her teeth to tooth decay rather than the Tooth Fairy?

Am I too protective for her own good?

I know she’s going to fall. I know she’s going to get bumps, bruises and goodness knows what else. Miss Olive is fearless. Both her inquisitive mind and determination know no bounds. As good as this is for her growth, it is equally bad for my heart. I want her to explore; I don’t want to squash her interest in figuring things out for herself.  But, the Ladybug is a daredevil, and I can only cover so much of our house in foam padding (Don’t worry – only the low, concrete mantel edges/corners are covered so far). Without holding her back constantly, how to I keep her from cracking her head open, busting her lip or (my biggest fear once she takes off walking) running face first into the stone fireplace in the middle of our dining room, living room and main hallway?

Am I letting her learn or creating a monster? 

As I mentioned, the Ladybug is ever in motion and always seeking something new – anything new. She’s in the phase where she likes to empty everything out of anything. Books off the bookshelf. Toys out of the toy bins. Clothes out of the laundry basket. I read that this “job” makes kids feel like they’ve accomplished something, and I believe it when she hands me the last book off the shelf with a huge, “Here you go, Mama,” grin on her face before crawling off to tackle something else. There are things she knows she’s not supposed to touch – video games, the couple pieces of decor on the mantle, etc. But, at what point does it bypass exploring and become monster behavior? I want a well-rounded little girl who feels empowered to explore and try new things. I don’t want a child who feels entitled to do as she pleases with no boundaries to speak of. How to I make sure I’m hitting the middle ground?

Throwing these worries out into the void, and hoping for some words of wisdom from the other end …

Thought/Rant-Provoking Comedy

Last night, a line in a TV comedy somewhat spelled out my feelings about my desired career-path since I was about 10.

While watching 30 Rock, Liz Lemon (Tina Fey) who is a writer for a TV show, was walking down the street, where she came upon a bum who told a child that a newspaper box was for peeing on. 

To this Liz Lemon said, “… We cannot give up on the written word! We need stories because I don’t have a Plan B!”

In that, I felt her pain.

Since I was 10, I wanted to be a journalist. I wanted to write for a newspaper and tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I wanted to dig up dirt where there was dirt to be dug, to expose truths that the general public needed to know but were too busy to research on their own. I wanted to use words to change things – communities, local governments, schools, etc. – for the better.

I became a newspaper reporter. I loved it. But, I realized that many people don’t care enough to read. Instead, people would rather remain woefully uninformed and just complain. Period.

I changed careers. Kept writing, but for a corporate-type of organization.

And now, I’m a full-time stay-at-home-mom trying to help make ends meet for my family by working part-time as a freelance writer/editor/designer/etc.

Before, when I felt like people were giving up on the written word, it was disheartening because it was stealing the idealistic dream I’d had of my no-truth-spared stories being printed daily on newsprint. You remember it – the greyish-colored paper that used to be delivered to your doorstep in time for breakfast. If you were lucky, a strong whiff of fresh ink would hit you when you unfolded it. Ahhhh – I love that smell. You just can’t get that from a webpage.

Now, when I think of people giving up on the written word, it’s not only disheartening, it’s distressing. I need people to need my writing skills. I need people to value that I can put together a sentence with words spelled the way the dictionary intended rather than in text speak (txt spk??). I need to write so my daughter doesn’t grow up living in a cardboard box. (OK, so maybe the last point was a little overdramatic, but still …).

Come on people. Help a Mommy writer out. Much like Liz Lemon, I don’t have a Plan B.

10 Favorites

In celebration of Miss Olive being 10 months old, I put together my list of the 10 things that made my life SO much easier/generally nicer since she arrived. In no particular order here it goes …

• Camera – OK, so this didn’t necessarily make my life easier, but it did make me feel like a not-crappy mommy. The camera I had crapped out a couple months after Olivia’s birth – major downgrade. I got a Sony Cyber Shot, which I love because it snaps photos quickly so I don’t miss a precious moment.

• Rocker/recliner and handmade blanket – This is two-fer. I picked the rocker/recliner for Olive’s room a couple months before she was born. I wanted something cushy enough I could sleep in on a rough night but not so overwhelming that I felt like I was getting eaten alive. It has been the perfect place to nurse. Combine the comfy chair with the cozy handmade blanket from friend Julie Liss-Katz (we’ve used it every single day since we came home from the hospital), and you’ve got the perfect mommy-baby snuggle spot.

• JingleBird, JingleFly – Since she was born, Olive has loved gentle jingle noises. She’s never been so much about rattles of the new vibrating toys. Just soft chimes/jingles. She had a baby doll with a jingle in it, and soon after I found a bird and butterfly – Bright Stars Chime Along Friends – that could be linked onto her pumpkin seat. She liked the jingle and loved that she could chew on them to her heart’s content. They have made car rides so much more pleasant than they could have otherwise been.

• Binkies – I opted for the stylish MAM pacifiers. They’re all cute as far as binkies go, but I like that there are glow-in-the-dark options. When the little one wakes up at night and hasn’t already found her own bink, I don’t have to wait for my eyes to adjust to her dimly-lit room to find it. Wonderful.

• Nursing pads – I tried a wide variety. Most either feel like cardboard and/or don’t stay put. I’ve stuck with nursing and pumping this long, and figure I might as well go for the one year mark at this point. To have pads in your bra every day for more than a year, they need to be not only useful, but also comfortable. I only use Lansinoh Ultra Soft Nursing Pads with TWO sticky pieces. Maybe I'm less coordinated than others, but really, I need all the extra hold I can get.

• Nick Jr. – Aside from paying for our normal cable package, this was nothing extra, but it has at times saved my sanity. The Ladybug is a dance machine. She loves when anyone counts things. She’s big on clapping and singing. Her fav shows are by far Yo Gabba, Gabba (orange track suit anyone?) and Jack’s Big Music Show (created for Noggin – sadly there are no new episodes, but it’s cute). Some back-ups that keep her attention at very least long enough for a Mommy bathroom break – Team Umizoomi (a math-focused cartoon) and Dora the Explorer (Fantastico!).

• Mums – My adult mind instantly associates these with flattened packing peanuts. They kind of look like mini foam surfboards. Baby Mum-Mum crackers were the first non-pureed, non-goopy thing Miss Olive had to eat. She loved holding them herself – you could just see how proud she was. Now, even though her food options have greatly expanded, she still gets so excited she almost jumps out of her highchair every time she sees me pull a pack out of the cabinet. The Ladybug will eat any flavor, but her most favorite is banana.

• Fav board books – We read these every morning. Goodnight Moon is classic, and yes, we really read it when Olive wakes up. The Very Hungry Caterpillar was one of my favorites as a child. And, Baby Beluga is one of a few books created out of Raffi songs. For anyone who doesn’t know Raffi because you missed that era, check him out on iTunes or Amazon. Your children will thank you for finding his fun-filled songs and books. Love it.

• Huggies baby wipe boxes – OK, so baby wipes have their time and place, but we became collectors of the variety of character-covered boxes of Huggies baby wipes. Princesses, Finding Nemo, Winnie the Pooh, Toy Story, and on and on. Miss Olive has always been extremely squirmy. The characters on these boxes kept her complete and total attention, making diaper changes much, much easier. 

• Tommee Tippee sippee cups – I didn’t like many of the sippee cups because I didn’t want Olivia to learn to bite on the spout to get her drink rather than learning to suck on it. Many of the ones she couldn’t bite were too difficult for her to use when she was just learning. Or, they were far from spill-free. After compiling a mountain of sippee cup rejects, I stumbled on the Tommee Tippee Closer to Nature Li’l Sippee cups. Miss Olive started with this cup, which still has a silicone spout with no valve, making it easy to use. But, she couldn’t make it work by biting it, and she didn’t get soaked while trying to drink. It was a great learning tool, from which she quickly moved on to super spill-proof, valved cups with no trouble at all.

My 10-month-old Miss Olive enjoying some time outside today.

Giddy

She said it. She said it. She said it.

She doesn’t know what the heck it means, but none the less, she said it.

I thought I heard it last night, but the Hubby wasn’t there to confirm it. He dismissed that it happened.

But today, there was no mistaking it – the Ladybug said string after string after string of Mmmmmaa Mmmmmaa Mmmmmaa Mmmmmaa Mmmmmaa. It was precious.

For more than a week, the little one has enjoyed declaring DaDaDaDaDaDaDaDaDa.

I’d say, “Olivia – Say MaMa.” She’d giggle, give me her sneakiest look and loudly proclaim, “DA DA DA DA DA.”

Like I said, I know the Mmmmmaas are just another one of her jabberings on the way to real conversations. I know she doesn’t yet associate herself sayings Mas or Das with me or the Hubby.

Doesn’t matter. She said it, and I’m happy.

Mmmmmaa Mmmmmaa and Miss Olive celebrating St. Patty's Day last week.

Not My Favorite Kind of Bubbly

The poor little Ladybug is teething.

She already got seven teeth in different stages of popping through the gums – some almost all the way in and some just starting – so this isn’t a new phase for us, but it’s still no fun.

Forget the regressing back to chewing on everything in sight. The worst of the worst is that Miss Olive’s face has pretty much become a continually running faucet. Between the constant stream of drool and dripping snot, I can’t keep the little one dry.

The stuffy nose has been her enemy for about a week now, but today was the worst so far. I wish I could teach her how to blow her nose. She’d feel so, so, so much better.

Instead, I’ve got a professional snot-bubble maker with chapped chubby cheeks from all the nose wiping.

In an effort to help as much as I can, we headed to Meijer after church today to pick up groceries – and specifically to get Aveeno Baby Soothing Relief Moisture Cream and Boogie Wipes.

I stumbled upon the lotion when the winter was at its worst and Olive was getting dry skin patches. It was the only thing that seemed to work to get her back to baby-smooth.

The Boogie Wipes are something I probably would have completely overlooked at the store, but a friend gave them to me at my baby shower. This is the first time we’ve really had to break into them, and after a week of living with a bubbling baby schnoz, we were ready to get a new pack.

I know exactly where both these items are located in Target, but could not for the life of me find them in Meijer today. When a stock clerk offered to help me find what I was looking for – I obviously looked clueless – I was happy to have her help, but even after showing her the package, she ended up pointing me to an adult Aveeno section and to toilet-trained kid butt wipes.

I found another employee who eventually helped me find where the wipes and lotion were located.

I must say, that I never imagined I would be having a conversation about boogers with a grocery store employee. But, such is motherhood. 

Any advice on the best ways to fight a super-runny nose? Any teething tips to offer from going through the experience with your little one?

A shot of the teeth that have caused our war on snot. Bonus - Olive's wild hairdo thanks to some butter bread she had at dinner.

The Invisible Woman

By the time I hit my 40^th week of pregnancy – and then even more so as I continued into my 41^st week – I was more than sick of people talking about how I looked.

I didn’t matter whether someone thought I was huge or pretty good for as far along as I was or glowing or puffy (yes, someone actually called me puffy, and no I’m still not really over it yet), I was just altogether sick of hearing anything regarding how I looked.

Enter the Ladybug.

Since she was born I have been merely a pair of arms carrying the beautiful baby girl or the person pushing the stroller driven by the gorgeous little lady.

Anywhere I go with Miss Olive, friends, family and strangers greet her first. I play second fiddle to a 10-month-old, and I must admit – I love it.

Before we leave the house to go just about anywhere, I like to get the little Ladybug dolled up. Dresses, ruffles, lace, beadazzlings, hair bows, patent leather-looking shoes and more. She’s already cuter than cute, and all her embellishments are really just for the fun of it.

My goal shortly after giving birth was not a lofty one. I just wanted to find time to take a shower every day, which I have succeeded in on all but maybe two occasions (no worries, they were days I gave up and just stayed home). That said, though I have always been clean, I have definitely not always been put together.

The makeup that I never used to leave the house without having fully put on, now often falls by the wayside. My hair is long enough for a ponytail because most days the Ladybug is just not patient enough for this Mommy to take time to fire up the blow dryer.

The fact is, I know wherever I go with the little one I will be glanced at but likely not inspected or even given a close look.

Olive and I took a quick trip to The Mall at Fairfield Commons today, where at least three people had conversations with her without even saying a word to me. I got a quick “Cute baby!” smile as they walked away. It was great. The Ladybug was happy to have the attention, and these other shoppers never even noticed lunch leftover crusted up and down my sleeve – courtesy of Olive.

I appreciate that God made Miss Olive cute enough, and therefore distracting enough, that even on my most tired, rundown, Mommy-Zombie days, I feel confident that no one really notices. As long as I’ve got Blue Eyes by my side, I can remain in the shadows that hide frizzy hair and under-eye circles.

The mommy superpower I’m most thankful for today – the cloak of invisibility.

Miss Olive out shopping today. Seriously, how could anyone look at anything else?

The Time Change is Slowly Killing Me

Oh Spring Forward, how I hate thee.

I realize it’s only an hour. I realize for most people – which used to include me – it’s only a 60 minute change.

I now have a baby, and I no longer see Spring Forward as “no big deal.”

That one little hour has thrown the Ladybug’s sleep schedule into a tailspin. She has barely napped in the past two days, didn’t sleep much last night, and has fought going to sleep the past two nights.

Poor Olive is so confused. And I am exhausted.

I’ve tried moving her typical naptimes bit by bit to get her from her normal time – now an hour later – to the Spring Forward time, but she’s not having it.

Because Olive was going on so little sleep, and because we went to her cousins’ birthday dinner tonight, I thought she’s be beat-up tired tonight. She fell asleep on the drive home. She could barely keep her eyes open while I got her ready for bed. She snuggled up in my arms and seemed like she was about to drift off.

Then, my night owl’s eyes popped wide open, and she started pointing and cooing at the window – just like she does every morning so we can pull the curtain back and look at the light outside.

Though I’m so ready for winter to be over and I know longer days are a sign of that, I found myself damning the extra daylight. “Why can’t it just be dark so she can sleep peacefully?” I thought.

Ugh.

After some coaxing, much rocking and some extra snuggles, Miss Olive has been asleep for a couple hours now.

For her sake and for my sanity, I hope tonight gets a little easier, and tomorrow even easier, and so on.

If not, I’m changing the clocks back, and I’ll be really early everywhere I go. But at least I’ll get some sleep. 

This is what my lovely little one used to look like during naps and nighttime. Oh how I long for more of this in my future. (And yes, she is, in fact doing the Running Man in her sleep.)

With a Wave and a Smile

The hubby and I are polar opposites on a variety of personality traits. He’s laid back; I’m high strung. He’s spontaneous; I’m a planner.

A major commonality though is the way we interact with other people. Something we both noticed about each other early on in our relationship – and something that I think attracted us to each other – is that we are both outgoing and decidedly friendly.

By that, I mean that when walking down the street, we choose to keep our heads up and give at least a smile, if not also a “Hello” when passing by someone – whether we know them or not.

We have never expected that we will be perfect parents. We’ll make mistakes – that’s part of parenting. But, we’ve always said that it’s important to us not that our children necessarily be perfect, but that they be good. Good neighbors. Good students. Good workers. Good friends. Just generally good people.

Miss Olive is a superstar at waving. She doesn’t just wave, she parade/beauty pageant waves. We’re not sure where she learned that, but it’s adorable, so we’re sticking with it.

Whether we’re at the grocery, at the hubby’s office, out to eat, visiting Grandpa’s work, or anywhere else, the ladybug flashes a big smile and waves furiously at every passerby.

A small part of this is simply that Olive loves waving. But a larger part – the part the melts my heart every single time – is that she genuinely enjoys the interaction.

She’s thrilled by anyone who takes the two seconds to smile and wave back. If they give a verbal “Hi,” she’s 100 percent sold and babbles lovingly back.

Alternately, when there’s no response to Olive’s repeated attempts at pleasantries (even after she’s waved so much her arm is about to fall off and still no one has bothered to return the favor), she finally gives up and give me a look as if to say, “I waved, Mama. I smiled, and I waved. Why the heck didn’t they wave back? What’s wrong with them?” I, of course, say aloud, “You’re right, Baby Girl. Yes, it’s very nice to wave and smile at people. It’s very nice to always say ‘Hello’,” in hopes of her not being dissuaded in the future.

Earlier today we went to a baby shower where Olive had never met anyone before. From the minute we walked in the door, she was instantly besties with everyone in the room. The more Olive smiled, waved and made silly faces, the more responses she got. This egged her on, and she became an even bigger ham.

This evening, we went out to Longhorn for dinner with the hubby’s grandfather. From Olive’s perspective, the entire restaurant was filled with people who it was her duty to say hello to and get a reciprocal smile from. Thankfully, we were surrounded by tables of very baby-friendly diners who enjoyed Olive’s company as much as she enjoyed theirs.

I feel proud each time Olive puts herself out there to make a new friend.

I think we’ve been blessed with an extremely pleasant child with an exceptionally positive disposition by nature, but I’d also like to think that some part of Olive’s extroverted, friendly personality is from the hubby and I leading by example.

What are some behaviors/lessons that you feel are most important that your children learn from you? Do you consciously teach these, or just try to show them in your daily life?

My Messy Neat-Freak

My little ladybug is so particular about some things and complete craziness when it comes to others.

As she Army crawls throughout our house, for example, she stops to pick up each and every speck of fuzz she finds along the way – things you would only spot if, like her, your eyes were but a few inches from the carpet.

She knows well enough now that she is not supposed to put anything she finds on the floor in her mouth. Instead, she proudly, excitedly squirms her way straight to Mama with the “ew, dirty trash” item secured in a death-pinch between her thumb and first finger. She waves it toward me until I take it (even when there’s nothing there), thanking her for her help. Olive then moves on to collect the next bit out of place. Honestly, if we owned a vacuum we would have no use for the little one – I kid.

She’s just as picky about anything she deems to be a mess on the tray of her highchair. The fact is, stuff gets on there. Between the crackers, cookies, bananas, green beans and various other finger foods she eats, there are going to be at least a few crumbs that happen upon the tray during each meal.

Waiting to clean the tray until after Olive’s done eating is not an option, at least not if I’d like to keep everything from ending up on the floor.

She’s great about declaring she’s done with something and that she wants it out of her way. She’ll wave, she’ll grunt, she’ll “Aaaahhhhhh.” If I catch on quick enough and ask, “All done? Give it to Mama if you’re all done,” Miss Olive will politely hand me whatever soggy bites she’s had enough of. But, if I’m not quick enough or if I DARE to just move the rejected items out of her reach she will either A) drop the rejected items over the table top to get them out of her way or B) lose all focus on finishing the rest of her meal until the unwanted parts are off her tray.

For all that cleaning, Olive has recently taken up a new habit – putting her very messy hands and any food she’s eating in her hair. I guess it shows that she likes to be tidy but not so much clean.

Olive sporting one of her 'dos after rubbing a Cheesy Carrot Wagon Wheel in her hair during dinner.

I’d prefer food get just about anywhere other than in her hair. At only nine months old, she’s still little, so we only takes a bath every couple days. Though I can wipe gunk out of her hair, it’s just not the same as washing it.

Try as I might to avoid goopy hair, she’s quick. She’s very quick. Much, much quicker than me. Babies have amazing speed, which is compounded by their distracting cuteness. One second I’m cheering her on as she takes a big bite of something new, and within the next second, Olivia’s swiped it from just above her eyebrow, across the top of her head, to all the way behind her ear, and back in her mouth again.

Bananas are the worst, followed closely by Gerber Arrowroot Cookies – two of Olive’s favorites. She enjoys eating and coating her hair in them much more than she enjoys me getting them out of her hair afterward.

I assume this is just one of the many exploratory phases of babydom.

Did your baby go through a “let’s see how this feels on my head” phase?

What are some of your least favorite baby messes to clean up?

Non-domestic Goddess

So, I’m working on perfecting the whole stay-at-home-mom thing. I’m still writing, but my main job for the last nine-and-a-half months has been Olivia’s Mommy.

The stay-at-home part is no joke. This means I feel much more responsible for the variety of other at-home tasks that need done during the day, including laundry, dishes and more. Just because I feel responsible for these things, doesn’t mean I’m successful at completing them.

I’ll note for anyone out there who has never attempted to work as a baby caregiver 24/7 – it is exhausting. Every job I’ve had has times that required a lot of extra hours. None of my previous jobs have been as exhausting – or as rewarding – as this.

Before having a baby, before getting married, before meeting the hubby, I declared to my mother and some friends that I was pretty sure I was never going to get married because I was embarrassingly non-domestic. Not that I had ever envisioned myself as a domestic-superstar, but during a particular cookie-making effort (during which I realized I didn’t own a lemon zester, nor did I even know what the heck one was), I came to the harsh realization that I would probably never make my way to a man’s heart through his stomach.

Don’t get me wrong, I can cook, but because of my stubbornly, structured brain, there has to be a plan. I like to have everything set out before I start. I like to have a recipe, just in case. These things just aren’t always realistic, so in my singleness, I was a big fan of instant and frozen items.

For Christmas after the cookie fiasco, I was gifted not one, but two lemon zesters. One month later, along came the hubby.

He loves to cook, and he is pretty darn great at it. He was not offended by my lack of domestic skill in the kitchen. It worked great, especially because I got home from my former job about an hour after him. We didn’t have to eat dinner really late just because I was home late.

Since Olive joined our lives, the hubby has continued cooking dinner (which I couldn’t be more thankful for), but today, he got called into work unexpectedly for about five hours.

So, with the babe by my side, tonight I made dinner! OK, so I realize this is not an amazing task for a great many people, but for this lady, it was a big accomplishment. Miss Olive was thankfully an angel. She sat with me snacking on butter braid pretzel sticks while Mama whipped up some mean Sloppy Joes – a meal I had never even eaten until about a year and a half ago.

Sloppy Joes might not be a five-star dinner, but they tasted good. And, the effort saved the hubby from having to cook a whole meal once he got home (though he admittedly did help finish up a side dish while I fed Olivia her dinner).

Former successes: Directing a community theater production – check. College degree – check. Established successful journalism/communications career – check. Led major successful fundraising campaign – check.

Today’s success: Tasty Sloppy Joes for dinner – check.

It’s the small accomplishments like this that I now take such great pride in. And I’m really happy with that.